Saturday, December 09, 2006

Yick! This Is Not Going To Work by Daryl Campbell

Online dating is hot. People are finding out that meeting someone online is not only very doable but can be especially gratifying. .
But (there's always one of those) internet dating can sometimes produce less than positive results. For many people it's when expectations meet reality.
For instance a guy who thinks he's found the right girl. He replies on her profile and suddenly they start communicating on a very regular basis.
The chemistry they've built up through exchanging messages and talking on the phone blossoms. Now he considers the possibility of having more than an online relationship with the girl. He decides it's time to set up their first real date.
And then it happens. They meet for first time over lunch and it's a disaster. The girl appears to be somewhat different than what the guy had expected or recalled. But worse of all, the cheerful chemistry and lively conversation they had built up abruptly vanished. The date came to an end and even though the girl said that she had a nice time and enjoyed herself the problem is still there. The guy does not know what to say.
This is not uncommon in the world of online dating. There are many cases where two people just don't click when they meet in person.
A lot of people who are involved in online dating usually ask why such things happen. They find it hard to believe that the person they have learned to like (and love) online is entirely different when in person.
So they try to assess themselves what went wrong. Is it their point of view that has changed? Were they deceived by the other person? Or was it just wrong from the very start?
The problem with most people is they fail to keep in mind that when they communicate to their dates online, they are really communicating, not with a person but with a series of texts. This is because any answers can always be fabricated or the other person can always deceive his or her date.
When this happens, personal meetings often end up like the one mentioned above. This is because reality is entirely different from what the computer screen illustrates.
Nevertheless, in real life, you've got to know how to exit from the situation without having to hurt the other person's feelings.
1. It would be better not to delve on the issue about not having the right chemistry in the first place, or point out the reason why an individual cannot pursue the dating any longer.
In order to break things up easily, don't focus on the issue of not getting the expectations one had started to build before you met in person. Don't excuse yourself on the grounds that your date is not good-looking enough, or be hurtful in any way.
2. Explain the importance of finding each other's right mate in order to build a happy relationship.
An individual should at least try to make an extra effort on explaining how chemistry works with two people and that lack of such value could be detrimental in one's relationship.
3. Excuses will only make it worse.
Rejection should be done in such a way that the other person will not be hurt. That's going to be tough enough without you making dreadful excuses the other person will sense immediately
4. Be firm in your decisions.
If you start to tell the other person that you think the relationship will not work, but then go all wishy washy, you will only make the matter worse and generate negative feelings.
5. It is usually best to allow your date to express their sentiments and ask questions then answer the questions as honestly as possible.
When a person gets disappointed after meeting his or her online date in person, it would be better to set things straight at once and put an end on the situation before it gets out of hand.
Try and understand how your date is feeling and be kind to them, even though you are about to end the relationship. Remember if you were in their place, you would want your date to be kind to you.
About the Author
Daryl Campbell invites you to check out Tons of free tips, resources, advice from people who have been there done that and up to the minute information to help you with the dating game

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