Saturday, December 09, 2006

The Wonder and Terror of Dating by Eric Davis

I found the perfect woman last week, she was sweet, sexy, easy to talk with and beautiful. Hey, I didn't even mind the $4.99 a minute she charged. Got to admit, there are some beautiful women on-line, but not much chance I'll be linking with them at a local night spot. Nope, got to get out there and start dating again.
I love dating, but sometimes it scary, if you expect to find someone special, you have no choice but to put yourself out there and hope for the best. Of course that is true with anything you really want in life, if you want the best, you have to go out and find it. And like the expression says... "If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself". Of course this isn't about me, so lets see if we can can turn this around and give a bit of sage (ha) advice.
Dating is wonderful and scary, wonderful because we have the possibility of meeting the one person who has the potential to be THE most important person in our life; scary since in order to accomplish this, we must open ourselves to the possibility of being wrong.
If you're a teen, dating is natural and part of life's experiences, no matter what you may learn in a classroom, or from others (good or bad) you must get out there and in order to try, fail and succeed. It might be nice to meet the perfect person the first time around, but it's not a likely scenario. That said, as you meet those of the opposite sex, it's a good idea to have a few things in mind.
There's an expression that says... "Pick your battles" and while dating is not (lets hope not) a battle, there will be times you'll need to assert your opinions, other time when you can just "go with the flow". If you have standards (and I hope that you do) make a point of those standards. It may not win popularity content at that moment, but over time it will bring your TRUE friends closer than ever. On the flip side, if you idea of a perfect evening is dinner and a movie; and your dates wants to see a concert, hey... give a little, and experience something new.
It is possible to have a perfect date? Sure it is, but not unless you get out there and try. Practice. Remember the movie "GroundHog's Day"? In it Bill Murray repeats the same day (and date) over and over again till finally he gets it right. While none of us want to be stuck in a Twilight Zone dating loop, learn from your successes and failures. No two people are exactly the same, but there are commonalities in all of us. Overtime you'll learn to integrate those into your social life and your "perfect date" will become closer to reality.
Abuse is something that you should RUN away from. And I'm not only talking physical abuse, emotional abuse is equally destructive. If you find the person you're dating is mean, controlling (Where were you last night? Why didn't you answer my call?), that is a good sign they aren't a good life mate. Need I mention physical abuse, if someone hits you; it's not likely you (no matter your wiles) are going to change that person for the better. That is the time to cut your losses and head for the door.
Feel good about yourself and date those who amplify these feelings. Life is difficult at times and we need to be around people who "lift us up", not drag us down. I'm not suggesting you be callous, expecting the other person to cater to your whims, quite the opposite, dating is give and take and if that isn't happening, make the best of the evening, but look for a different date next time. This doesn't mean that someone can't change, they can, and that is part of growing up and moving on. Ideally, when two people change together, then you have the stuff of magic.
Ever gotten your clothes out of the dryer and find them clingy. Not a great feeling with your clothes, or your relationship. Keeping someone TOO close (clinging) will not accomplish your goal. While I love for a girl to be close to me, there are times we all need distance and the opportunity to grow as a person.
Chemistry is a VERY important element in dating, but it shouldn't entirely be based on looks. While we all (myself included) love good looking people, it's not something to base the entire relationship on. Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, and what we see in a person can be based not only on looks, but personality, intelligence and a hundred other things that make a person truly unique.
Don't be a critic. I remember this blonde I dated once, she was nice looking, intelligent and on first observation, a great catch. Problem was she never stopped complaining about one thing or another. Finally I just couldn't take it anymore... "Sayonara baby".
To sum... have some fun and enjoy each other, look for something in the other person that makes you remember them days after the date, and I'm not just talking about a cute rear end :).

About the Author
Eric is full time bachelor who strives to date different women in his search for Miss Right. Eric writes the dating and relationship section for and a enjoys a bit of notoriety from his (somewhat controversial) book, The Secrets of Seduction - a free download

1 comment: said...

One of the most interesting and worth reading blog I read.